Another rambling moment by Cindy...
I have been thinking about and studying about Jacob lately. I know he was fulfilling God's plan, but I struggle with some things, and I lay them before you. I know the Lord told Rebekah that there were "two nations" in her womb and that the older would serve the younger.
Jacob is "wrestling" with Esau even before birth. He came out grasping onto Esau's heel. He later uses Esau's weakness (his hunger)and deception( and the help of his mother) to steal Esau's birthright. God honors this or some may say uses this. (I'm not a scholar or theologian) God tells Jacob that through him, he will bless the nations. He has a number of children...he later wrestles with God.
Now I recognize that scriptures says "a man wrested with him", it doesn't say Jacob was "looking for anything" at that time. Jacob tells "the man" I am not leaving until you bless me. Pretty straight forward... He says this despite being "wrenched at the hip". Some see this as perseverance, some determination, some boldness. I am not sure... I can't imagine ever telling God,"Do this or else". Maybe that's what I struggle with, lacking the boldness before the Lord to grab a hold of His promises. Is it unworthiness, shyness, lack of faith, doubt, pride???
I think of Paul, who was given a thorn in his flesh...and was told "my grace is sufficient for you". Have I confused the two...have I excepted too many things as "thorns in my flesh" and not pressed in for those promises, those blessings?
I wonder if I am simply fearful that God won't come through, that he can't come through, that somehow maybe there is something more that I have to do,or say.
Maybe, I have been content making simple request of the Lord, not really putting the desires deep within my heart on the line. Have I felt God is too busy to wrestle with me? Would I have the boldness to push through the crowd just to touch him, like the women with the issue of blood? Would I be willing to climb a tree to see him? What about climbing on a roof to bring a friend to his feet?
Where is the line between seeking God and seeking the things and blessings of God?
Lord, I cry out to you for wisdom and clarity.
1 comment:
Rabbling or not I think that you have some very profound quandaries mixed with a raw honesty that's not often found among Christians. I wouldn't dare try to answer your ponderings; because after all, who am I: a struggling simpleton whom God has greatly blessed beyond warrant. But I do acknowledge that we see through a glass dimly lit for the moment--And for the patriarchs, perhaps it was darker because they didn't have our advantage: the indwelling Holy Spirit or the Scriptures that we have-- And when times are tough for us and God is silent, we have to cling to the things we know about His character: He's good, He loves us far beyond measure, He's righteous and holy.
I trust that one day God will make sense of all this madness we experience but until that time I love to cling to words of Solomon when he said "Go then, eat your bread in happiness and drink your wine with a cheerful heart; for God has already approved your works." There's great comfort in that. (Now I'm rabbling)
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