It's May All Ready

Wow...it is May all ready. So much has happened the last 5 months. Bryanna turned 5 yesterday. I remember when I found out I was pregnant with her, and here she is celebrating her 5th birthday. I'm not exactly sure where I am going with this post, I just know I need to update it. Lets see... on Dec 31st we were getting ready to pack to move into our new house when I received a phone call about 10:30 am. It was from the hospital in Florida...my father-in-law had a massive heart attack and had died. You know I hate writing that... it makes it too real. Denial is a nice place to live sometimes. Anyway by 4:00pm that afternoon we were on our way to Florida by God's miraculous provision. We "celebrated" the new year driving down the highway crying, dreading the things we would have to do over the next few days, consoling the children, trying to make sense of it all...what is God doing? How could God do such a thing? Why now? Why would God take Lenny's mom many years ago and now his dad? Why didn't we get to say goodbye? We just spoke to him? Asking all of the questions to ourselves, never daring to say them out loud to one another. This is a difficult road to walk. How do you encourage your kids, my mother-in-law, when you feel so discouraged and are so angry with God? I have just spoken what I know to be the truth, hoping that I can one day soon believe it myself in the depths of my heart. I am still so angry with God. Just saying that is hard. In the midst of all the pain, we saw God do miraculous things!
After being there for a week, we came home and moved into our new house. We are so blessed.
In a couple of weeks, my mother-in-law is coming to live with us. We are excited, but know that this will be a reality check for us. We will be face to face with the fact that "Pop Pop" is no longer with us when she comes and he doesn't. Frankly I don't want to deal with it...it hurts way too much. For now it sometimes is easy to just pretend (I know that's not healthy, but I am just being honest)pretend that he is at home in Florida and we can call him when we want.
I am not sure where this new chapter in our lives will take us, but we go along (Sometimes kicking and screaming, sometimes willingly).