Still sortin' through

I think things are coming together in my heart and mind. I have read the account of Jacob's life over and over. John Calvin has come to help me in the form of a commentary on Genesis. One of the things that John Calvin said was that Jacob "demanding" a blessing was actually a way of him confessing his weakness before God, he was recognizing his inferiority and God's superiority. In Hosea 12:3 it talks about Jacob's encounter that night and says"...he wept and begged for his favor". Jacob realized "who was in charge". This is significantly different than my human assumption or perception of Jacob.

Another part of this, is that I compared Paul's response to things to Jacob's. Yesterday we were singing "Your Grace is Enough" in church, and suddenly I realized it was the same grace that allowed Paul to continue on despite the thorn in his flesh, it was that same grace manifested in a different way that Jacob was seeking. It was God's grace that brought him through the struggle of the night.
Another thing that Calvin talked about, was that this "wrestling match" occurred during the night, but his "wrenched hip" remained throughout the rest of his life. In the day he could see the results of his struggle. It wasn't hidden, a reminder of God's working in his life. A "humbler" of sorts. Just like Paul's thorn in the flesh, to keep him humble,aware of where his everything comes from. Without Christ we can do nothing....He even gives us the strength to "wrestle" him. Yikes if that's not humbling, I don't know what is. He gives us the strength to "wrestle" him.

Something else stirring in my heart, is, I am seeking the difference, or the boundary between seeking God and seeking the things of God. Yesterday in his sermon, Bill, mentioned seeking the hand of God and seeking the power of God. And I have heard it many times before. I know the difference in the two, but where is the boundary line. As I seek Him in my quiet times, I am seeking Him,His face,to Know him.
I will be in Florida to pick up my mother-in-law in a couple of weeks, and may take the opportunity to go to one of the revival meetings in Lakeland. Am I simply going to seek his hand... what is my motive for going? Am I being impatient, tired of waiting for Him to come and move in that mighty way here in Anderson? Do I not trust that He can and will do it here? Am I afraid I will "miss out" if I don't go? Am I afraid He will not meet me there? For now,I choose to not go and trust that He is moving here, although maybe not in that same way. I know he was speaking to Elijah, and he was listening for God in the earthquake, fire and wind, but God spoke in that small quiet whisper. I think that God has been moving in our body in mighty ways, but just in the quiet whisper. Have we been listening? Have we given up? Bill's sermon yesterday was so poignant. Why are we dry and thirsty?

Psalm 139:23-24
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

Psalm 143:5-6
"I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done. I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.